Monday, 15 August 2011

You wanna bet on it..... You Bet !

Unless you are one of the savvy few that have recently taken advantage of 100% discounts on major brand electronics in the consumer worlds unusual riot promotion, the majority of us are sharing in a common problem.....The Recession ! we are all potless. brasick. skint eastwood.
What is the answer. The prudent financialishta's out there will tell you that it's to work hard, save more and invest in blue chip corporations. But i ask you, where is the fun in that?
I have an alternative solution. Keep this on the down-low, but there are people out there that are prepared to take a small amount of money from you, and then give you back more money on the proviso that you can guess whats going to happen in the football. i believe that the kids call it "betting"
I jest of course, we all know what betting is, you clever chaps. So lets run through the wager's that are going to buy you a jet pack and gold plated house this season.

Premier league top goalscorer: Luis Suarez - 9/1
A man that looked electrifying at the tale end of last season in a beleaguered Liverpool side. A genuine goal threat and a player that has a track record, all be it in the dutch league of scoring a bucket load of goals. Has even started the new season in the same vein with a goal (and admittedly a missed penalty) against Sunderland on the opening weekend. Manchester United's pocket poacher Javier Hernadez is also available at 9/1

Relegated from Premier league: Blackburn - 2/1
I feel for Blackburn fans, i really do. I imagine supporting Blackburn not to be a choice, more of a terrible affliction (i thinks its a hangover from the Allerdyce days)
That aside Blackburn have now been lumped with the equally un-inspiring Steve Kean. With little investment made in an ageing squad (aside from the relatively unproven David Goodwillie) don't be surprised to see Rovers get dragged into a relegation dog fight that they don't have the stomach for. as a tasty little accompaniment to this bet, can i interest you in Steve Keen to be the first manager in the PL to lose his job. Yours at a mere 13/8

Championship winners: Leicester - 5/1
A very decent price for a side that have shelled out more that Shelly MccShellyson, manager of schelling at scehllo's peanut company. Quality premier league talent in the shape of Nugent, Konchesky, Vassell and Pantsil to add to the nucleus of an already decent squad, all under the stewardship of Papa Ericsson. Lovely stuff. Also worth a punt for promotion are newcomers Brighton @ 4/1. If Will Buckley and Craig Mackail Smith fire on all cylinders, they could be irresistible.

Championship Top Scorer: Kevin Phillips: - 14/1
Age ain't nothin but a number. Not just something said by perverted old granny's out to get some young greased up cock, but something that might be echoed by former European golden boot winner Kevin Phillips.
Yes, he maybe older than time itself, but his pedigree is proven in no uncertain terms. Two goals on his Blackpool debut will only add to this man's brimming confidence. Phillips and Holloway could be a matched made in Heaven.

League one winners: Charlton - 6/1
Chris Powell looks like he might have the addicks playing the way he wants and if they can keep hold of the more talented of the Wright-Phillips brothers, they should have a decent chance of the title.

League Two winners: Crawley Town - 11/4
Right fact fan, here's one for you. Crawley Town spent more money on players last season than all of the league two teams...... PUT TOGETHER! Money like that really does talk. Matthew Tubbs looks like he could make the step up from non league comfortably and could also be a good bet for top scorer @ 13/2

FA Cup winners: Liverpool - 10/1
Liverpool have gone a bit bonkers in the transfer window and have added some strength in depth to some talented individual players. If they can utilise the whole squad, that could allow them to fight on multiple fronts this season.

So, let's look at that betting slip.

Premier league top goalscorer: Luis Suarez / Javier Hernadez- 9/1
Relegated from Premier league: Blackburn - 2/1
First Sacking: Steve Kean: 13/8
Leicester to win the championship - 5/1
Brighton to be promoted: 4/1
Championship top scorer: Kevin Phillips - 14/1
League one winners: Charlton - 6/1
League two winner: Crawley Town - 11/4
League two top scorer: Matthew Tubs -13/2
FA cup winners: Liverpool - 10/1

So take your pick from the above, who knows it could make you a rich bitch. Or alternatively a £1 accumulator on all ten bets would return a not too shabby £76 Million pounds! Don't worry though, I'll only take a 10% "administration" fee. 

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Nukecastle United

What in the name of living Jebus Christ is happening at Newcastle!

That statement in itself that has a lot of legs. This of course being a club that has only been outdone in mentalness in the last few decades by Sky1's Harchester United. However, the past week or so has seen the ROFL-copters circling St James Park at full tilt,with their LMAO-cannons being manned by the playing staff aimed squarely at the management.
As has been widely reported, certain players have taken to twitter to participate in territorial tree pissing and generally dick swingary. If you happen to have missed these shenanigans, a quick re-cap......

Nile Ranger:
Most used sub in the prem last season.. Now I'm struggling to even get a pre season game.. haha.. #laughORcry what a joke.

Jose Enrique:
The club is allowing all the major players of the team to go. Do you think it is the fault of the players? Andy (Carroll), Nobby (Kevin Nolan).
‘This club will never fight to be among the top six again with this policy. You fans are the best and you deserve the best, not what they are doing with the club.’

And last but not least......
Joey Barton:
Ha ha the inevitable, 2 weeks wages fine has just arrived. Needless to say it shall be appealed forthwith. #kickingamanwhilsthesdownha”

Made to train alone today, how predictable.........

Now, as stated in previous blogs, I am all for players that have something to say for themselves instead of the usually dreary "at the end of the day it's a great result for the lads", however any comments need to be justified and valid and i have to say, these comments (with the possible exception of Enrique's) just aren't.

The comments made by Jose Enrique could possibly be best described as a good point gone wrong. A player certainly has the right to question the future direction of the team, but it's possibly not the best idea to express those views via the medium of social networking. That being said, i imagine if those points had been conveyed personally to Alan Pardew, he would have stared blankly around the room before dribbling profusely and plunging his face into a bowl of tomato soup.

Whilst the comments of Nile Ranger can be marked in the "idiotic and ridiculously unprofessional" file, it is surely the comments of Tyneside's pantomime villain Joey Barton that must be the most worrying. Not necessarily for the players, coaches, management or directors of NUFC, but surely for himself.....

Even before JB googled "latin phrases" and made it official, It was clearly evident that he was (as he himself so eloquently put it) Persona non grata at Newcastle. Thus, unless he decides to start a new carer as an Orwellian style author, he will be in need of a new club.
I don't even feel i need to bring Joey's more than chequered past in to the argument, as it's something that we have all been assured he is trying to conquer, but what manager in their right mind would want to bring a player to their club that boots up the laptop and goes into a nationwide, weeklong twitter frenzy when he has an issue. Barton has effectively put himself in the shop window, pissed on the customers and shat down his own legs.

The North-East Mourinho, Alan Pardew has also hardly covered himself in glory in the whole episode, effectively saying something along the lines of "players should be careful about what they say on twitter"
Pardew needs to get amongst em and start cracking a few skulls before he loses the dressing room entirely (if he hasn't already)

Newcastle must now look to settle down and bring back some much needed stability to the club, and there can only be one way for that to now happen.
Pardew out, KEEGAN IN !!!!!!