Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Nukecastle United

What in the name of living Jebus Christ is happening at Newcastle!

That statement in itself that has a lot of legs. This of course being a club that has only been outdone in mentalness in the last few decades by Sky1's Harchester United. However, the past week or so has seen the ROFL-copters circling St James Park at full tilt,with their LMAO-cannons being manned by the playing staff aimed squarely at the management.
As has been widely reported, certain players have taken to twitter to participate in territorial tree pissing and generally dick swingary. If you happen to have missed these shenanigans, a quick re-cap......

Nile Ranger:
Most used sub in the prem last season.. Now I'm struggling to even get a pre season game.. haha.. #laughORcry what a joke.

Jose Enrique:
The club is allowing all the major players of the team to go. Do you think it is the fault of the players? Andy (Carroll), Nobby (Kevin Nolan).
‘This club will never fight to be among the top six again with this policy. You fans are the best and you deserve the best, not what they are doing with the club.’

And last but not least......
Joey Barton:
Ha ha the inevitable, 2 weeks wages fine has just arrived. Needless to say it shall be appealed forthwith. #kickingamanwhilsthesdownha”

Made to train alone today, how predictable.........

Now, as stated in previous blogs, I am all for players that have something to say for themselves instead of the usually dreary "at the end of the day it's a great result for the lads", however any comments need to be justified and valid and i have to say, these comments (with the possible exception of Enrique's) just aren't.

The comments made by Jose Enrique could possibly be best described as a good point gone wrong. A player certainly has the right to question the future direction of the team, but it's possibly not the best idea to express those views via the medium of social networking. That being said, i imagine if those points had been conveyed personally to Alan Pardew, he would have stared blankly around the room before dribbling profusely and plunging his face into a bowl of tomato soup.

Whilst the comments of Nile Ranger can be marked in the "idiotic and ridiculously unprofessional" file, it is surely the comments of Tyneside's pantomime villain Joey Barton that must be the most worrying. Not necessarily for the players, coaches, management or directors of NUFC, but surely for himself.....

Even before JB googled "latin phrases" and made it official, It was clearly evident that he was (as he himself so eloquently put it) Persona non grata at Newcastle. Thus, unless he decides to start a new carer as an Orwellian style author, he will be in need of a new club.
I don't even feel i need to bring Joey's more than chequered past in to the argument, as it's something that we have all been assured he is trying to conquer, but what manager in their right mind would want to bring a player to their club that boots up the laptop and goes into a nationwide, weeklong twitter frenzy when he has an issue. Barton has effectively put himself in the shop window, pissed on the customers and shat down his own legs.

The North-East Mourinho, Alan Pardew has also hardly covered himself in glory in the whole episode, effectively saying something along the lines of "players should be careful about what they say on twitter"
Pardew needs to get amongst em and start cracking a few skulls before he loses the dressing room entirely (if he hasn't already)

Newcastle must now look to settle down and bring back some much needed stability to the club, and there can only be one way for that to now happen.
Pardew out, KEEGAN IN !!!!!!


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